A hard question
A sweet, young friend asked me a hard question last week. Have you ever gotten those questions where you answer initially, but then you keep thinking about what else you could have (should have) said?
This dear girl prefaced her question with, “I don’t want to make you feel bad, but I’d like to talk about divorce and remarriage.”
Ouch!
Then she asked, “Is it okay to marry someone who is divorced?”
I’m divorced and remarried.
My friend’s inquiry is legitimate. The Bible tells us much about this issue. Jesus answered his disciples’ question about divorce:
Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.” Mark 10:11-12
Another big ouch!
And again in the Gospel of Matthew…
It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexuality immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Matthew 5:31-32
Some of you reading this may be feeling pain as well. Perhaps, like me, you have a wonderful second marriage with children that you cherish. Does the thought that you are labeled as an adulterer make you sick at heart?
I’m not denying my sin.
For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23 (all scripture is NIV)
And, I’m not making excuses either. My first marriage failed because of my selfishness and controlling behavior.
The Gospel of Luke, 6:18 confirms the message from Matthew and Mark, but in our Lord’s encounter with the woman caught in adultery, I find hope.
The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and and asked her, “Woman where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
“No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” John 8:3-11
Neither do I condemn you. Leave your life of sin.
Those are the words that give me hope. In fact, His words grant me confidence that I have been forgiven. Jesus doesn’t condemn me for my second marriage.
I’m living in a loving relationship–leaving my life of sin behind. That’s not to say that I’m perfect. Far from it.
But, I confessed my sin. Asked forgiveness. I believe my Lord has granted forgiveness and blessed me in my marriage. I’m trying to do better.
Yes, we all have sinned, but…
All are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood–to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished. Romans 3:24-25.
The love and grace of my Lord and Savior is immeasurable and it’s big enough to cover even my sin (and yours).
I welcome your thoughts about divorce and remarriage. It’s okay if you disagree, but, please be kind! Wishing you a happy and blessed week, my friends.
That is indeed a difficult question; and for what it’s worth, I think you gave a wonderful answer. Like you, I’m divorced and remarried. And while I believe our (you and me) truths are that both parties in our first marriages share in the failure, I am also convinced that God knew this would happen in our lives. I believe as a way to prepare me for the earthly marriage He wanted me to have. Please don’t misunderstand here. At one time, I loved my first wife. Yet, the depth of love I have found with my wife Diane far exceeds any I found in my first marriage. I’ve oft wondered if my first marriage was less ordained by God (albeit we were married in a church) as it was a result of my human decision-making. When I met Diane, after having moved thousands of miles for where I grew up, I wasn’t looking for a spouse. Instead, I was praying God would bring me a lifetime friend I could depend upon. Perhaps this is why I call my current wife “God’s gift.” Wonderful post my friend.
Thank you, J.D. I’m so glad that you and Diane have been blessed in your marriage. I firmly believe that God does have a plan for each of us that includes a loving marriage ordained by Him. It’s just that we sometimes mess up! I’m so thankful He granted us a second chance.
Thank you, Katherine (and J.D.) for your honesty and vulnerability. I’m liking the word “all” in your verses shared above. Well, not so much liking it in this verse as accepting it as a painful truth: “For ALL have sinned….” But I especially like it in this verse: “ALL are justified ….” Thank you, God, for second chances, and for sweet friends like Katherine who are willing to share difficult but important truths and reminders!
Thank you for your kind words and insight, Julie. I agree, the phrase “ALL are justified…” is so comforting for us, as we recognize that we need that Grace over and over and over…
I regret my first marriage did not work out. We were married a long time and share children and grandchildren. I hold on to the good that came from our union, including the lessons learned the hard way. I’ve forgiven, been forgiven, and know Jesus loves me.
I feel the same, Candyce. I received many blessing from my first marriage, but God has sent bountiful blessings since. What an amazing miracle that our Lord loves us through all these hard times. Thank you for sharing.
Great post on a tough subject. Thanks for wrestling with a topic that affects so many.
Thank you, Jeanne. Our deepest hurts and fears are the hardest to discuss, but it’s wonderful to have a a compassionate and loving Savior and a support group of believers to guide us through those trials. Thanks for your encouragement.