Slow me down?
“Slow me down”–do I mean that?
Or do I really mean, “I’ve got so much to do–please, Lord, help me get it all done!”
Many factors contributed to development of my “over-achiever” persona. Do any of you suffer from this character flaw…uh…attribute? It sort of depends on your mood at the moment (or who is doing the labeling, perhaps). When your employer, members of your family, or your church need tasks done well, in a timely manner, the over-achieving perfectionist can usually get it accomplished.
But, at what cost?
Being an over-achiever can be costly to our health, leading to depression, illness, and family or marital problems.
Certainly, my upbringing contributed to my desire to always do my best, as measured by a tough standard. My mother was a teacher, my father a military veteran who expected perfection. Both believed in the “no frills, no waste, hard work ethic.”
In most cases, this philosophy steered me well. I’ve had a wonderful career as a teacher, have two amazing children, of whom I am extremely proud. But, now, as I attempt to adjust to retirement and an empty nest, what should be a time to slow down–perhaps not work so hard, or take on a plethora of projects, is when I find myself yearning for the satisfaction of accomplishing tasks.
What do you think?
- Is over-achievement a type of addiction?
- Do we need that constant feeling of accomplishment to keep going?
- Do we need to feel that we’ve completed a task and did it well to fulfill a desire to be useful?
- Does having people recognize that we are the one to “get the job done” serve as a balm for our egos?
- Do we need a support group for over-achievers?
I found this poem, sent to me by a friend years ago, and recognized that it is still a message I need.
Slow me down, LORD. Ease the pounding of my heart by the quieting of my mind.
Steady my hurried pace with a vision of the eternal reach of time.
Give me, amidst the confusion of my day, the calmness of the everlasting hills.
Break the tension of my nerves and muscles with the soothing music of the singing
streams that live in my memory.
Teach me the art of taking minute vacations, of slowing down to look at a flower,
to chat with a friend, to read a few lines from a good book.
Remind me each day of the fable of the hare and the tortoise, that I may know the race
is not always to the swift; that there is more to life than increasing speed.
Let me look upward into the branches of the towering oak, and know that it grew tall
because it grew slowly and well.
SLOW ME DOWN LORD and inspire me to send my roots into the soil of life’s values
that I may grow upward toward the stars of the greater destiny.
Home Demonstration Cookbook
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)
Do you need to slow down? How can I pray for you?
Or…if you already have this all figured out…and can help the rest of us…
Are you a recovering over-achiever? How did you succeed in slowing down and focusing on what is important? How did you learn to distinguish between what is important and what is not?
My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psalm 62:1-2
I think we all want it my friend, the slowing down, but for some of us, it simply isn’t who we are. I dreamed that in retirement, I would have time to leisurely write the books and stories that I’d been jotting notes about for years (three notebooks full of ideas). I would sit quietly in nature and work through plots, outlines, character development, etc., then with my cardigan sweater and cup of tea, I would pound out a plethora of bestsellers. Alas, my plans versus God’s plan for me. Instead of a small, comfortable log home nestled in the Smokies, my wife and I moved to a relatively flat expanse of the Piney Woods of east Texas to start a small, family cattle operation. So much for leisurely days to sit and think, pray, and write. I’ve accepted that God led me here to learn and write about what He wants me to learn and write about. So instead of business development, strategic development, with a healthy dose of fiction thrown in, I write devotions, Bible studies, and spiritual growth books and articles that I pray bring glory to Him. I can live with that. It would still be nice to have a few days to just sit and ponder though. 🙂 God’s blessings; and prayers that you find your “sweet spot” in retirement. With you new publishing contract though, I don’t think it’s sitting around sipping Earl Grey.
You’ve pointed out something very important. “Slowing down isn’t who we are.” Maybe at this time of my life I just need to embrace who I am (an over-achiever) and accept it. Like you, I pictured a very different retirement than what I have. The mountain cabin with a computer and Earl Grey sounds mighty fine, but instead I have a small family farm, three needy horses, and a long list of things I want to accomplish–still. The most important thing–even more than my drive to accomplish goals–is to be sure that I’m on God’s plan, not mine. Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom, kind sir. You always inspire me.
Excellent point, J.D.! God made each of us different for a reason, didn’t He? I can get behind the idea of accepting myself for who I am – who has lots of room for improvement, mind you. But it is freeing.
I love the poem, Katherine, and the wisdom in this post.
J.D. is blessed with wisdom and discernment and I’m always grateful when he shares with me. We are all “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Ps. 139:14) and each of us is unique. I also have LOTS of room for improvement. We are blessed that God loves us just as we are AND that He is willing, able, and wants to help us as we strive honor Him in all we do.
Those of us that grew up in the farming lifestyle have a double dose of thinking slowing down means quitting. It’s in our DNA and engrained in our upbringing that we have to go at things at least 110%.
Why, even the 4-H motto taught that your best isn’t enough, “To make the best, better!”
I probably can’t change after 60 years. For me it is either all in or not in at all.
Me, too, Ben. I was a 4-H kid, too and a farm girl. I think maybe I’m stuck with who I am. I just need to stay on the path God has planned for me and be sure I’m not taking on tasks that aren’t part of His plan. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone in being “all in.” Wishing you a blessed week.
I laughed when I saw the title because I’d been scrolling through inbox, deleting most of my unread content. Then … yours. I stopped.
We were designed to work, to create, to achieve. But like all things, they can take the place of the God to whom we should be serving in our endeavors. I fall into the trap of using a completed set of tasks to bolster my ego or sense of wholeness when the cross is sufficient!
When I read your comment, I nodded my head in agreement. I, too, get a boost from marking things off my to-do list, getting a burst of personal satisfaction in the process. Thank you for reminding me that it’s not my ego that counts, but the gift of love by our Savior. To Him be the glory!
Lyme Disease taught me to slow down. I had no choice. It taught me to value everything I had the strength to do. Saying no is ok and taking care of yourself and waiting for God to show me what to do is the place I want to remain. It’s hard but so much better.
There have been several times in my life where I’ve been forced into inactivity due to an injury, complications of pregnancy, or an illness. I know those are not the same as the hardship and long-term effects of Lyme disease. But like you, those times provided the opportunity for me to ponder what is important in life. And one of those things, as you point out, is prayerfully asking for God’s guidance in all that we do and seeking His wisdom when considering when we should say no.
Over-achievement is definitely an addiction! I’m getting better at paring back. And I like your statement about being sure we’re on God’s plan, not our own. Sometimes, He lets us (within His plan) feel over-obligated. That helps us rely on Him more. But He certainly wants us to be available for time with Him. That’s most necessary. Good post!
I agree, Nancy. When we are over-achievers, we feed ourselves by what we are able to accomplish. Success in tasks leads to feelings of satisfaction and gratification and we seek more. I appreciate your point that God will lead us to rely on Him more when we are over-obligated. Of course, He can also bring us to our knees so that we call on Him instead of trying to totally rely on our own abilities.
I try to be intentional about slowing down enough to see God in the everyday, often unnoticed pieces of life. But it doesn’t always come naturally or easily, especially as someone who’s been a lifetime over-achiever. But you’re exactly right — no matter how many lists or plans I make, the plan I really need to stick with is God’s. And sometimes the only thing He wants me to do is slow down and pay attention to Him. Thanks for the reminder!
One part of your message really speaks to me: “Sometimes the only thing He (God) wants me to do is slow down and pay attention to Him.” That is simple, yet so profound. Thank you for sharing that wonderful pearl of wisdom, Leigh.
Maybe God tells us to, “Be still and know that I am God,” because He knows how we strive to do more. Sometimes our plans control us instead of us just taking the time to sit and listen. Blessings to you in retirement that you can find that right place between work and rest.
I agree, Barbara, that “sometimes our plans control us.” I’ve been guilty of that. Your strategy to sit and listen, to “Be still and know that I am God” is just what we need to do. Thank you for reminding us of that most important action.
Oh, Katherine, you hit a home run today. I think so many of us need this message; I surely do. I love this line in the poem you shared: “Teach me the art of taking minute vacations, of slowing down to look at a flower, to chat with a friend, to read a few lines from a good book.” Like you, I’m an “over-achiever,” pushing to get it all done. In answer to your question, I think this tendency works as an addiction when we gain self-worth from accomplishments, but the tendency can be used for good when we work to finish the work God calls us to do.
Thank you for sharing your insights, Jeannie. I think we have a lot in common when considering our drive to achieve. You handle yours with such faith and grace. I like your strategy to focus on the work God calls us to do, not on our own accomplishments.
These are thoughts to ponder, for sure, Katherine. Like you, I’m an overachiever, probably for ALL the reasons you listed! I like how just reading this poem helped me to slow down as I thought about the things listed. Praying for you, my friend, as you search for that new balance in retirement!
It’s comforting to know that others understand the minds and hearts of the overachiever. Like most traits, there are positive and negative aspects and knowing that we can share our feelings with another is so helpful. Thank you for being a kindred spirit. Wishing you blessings and discernment as you face the challenges of a long list of things to accomplish (because we overachievers almost always have a long list).
Katherine, you ask some penetrating questions here that are deserving of reflection. Like others have commented, I too have the ability to get ‘er done. I think it’s definitely a God-given trait, but it needs to be used with balance and in accordance to God’s will. Since being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I’ve had seasons of disability in which God has taught me to better understand my worth to Him is not wrapped up in my t0-do list. It was humbling and freeing all at once.
Annie, thanks so much for sharing. I think your message summarizes so well what I was trying to say. Being in God’s will is the most important aspect of our journey and He will guide us to live in balance as we work to accomplish the tasks He sets before us.