What should we do when those we know and love don’t encourage us?
For many years, several members of our church have stepped in for the Sunday message when our pastor was sick or absent. I’m part of this group. Is this a calling? I’m not sure, but recently, a conversation with a loved one, told me I shouldn’t be in this role. What should we do when those we know and love don’t encourage us?
He had scriptural support for not encouraging me in the role of speaking from the pulpit. The Apostle Paul, clearly believes women should remain in the background of church leadership and teaching:
A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. (1 Timothy 2:11)*
It’s debatable whether sharing a scripturally based message in the pulpit of a church puts a woman in a place of authority over men. However, I support the claim that a scripturally based message, shared in church, teaches Biblical principals.
Is the practice of having women teachers within the church wrong? I welcome your thoughts in the comments.
In reference to the other point–women should be quiet–I disagree.
Who was the first messenger of the Resurrection of Jesus?
Mary Magdalene stood outside the tomb of Christ, weeping. The body of Jesus was gone and she was distraught. When questioned by the two angels seated where the Lord’s body had been, she answered:
“They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” (John 20:13b)
When Mary turned around and saw Jesus, she didn’t realize it was her Lord until he spoke. His instructions to her were specific:
Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'” Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!” And she told them that he had said these things to her. (John 20:17-18)
Mary Magdalene was the first evangelist following our Lord’s sacrifice of love on the cross–the first one to share the Good News of Jesus Christ, our Savior. She, a woman, followed her Lord’s command to spread the word.
We’ve been without a pastor at our church since December 31. I’ve been one of our Lay Speakers who prepare a message as needed. Today was my turn. It was emotionally challenging for me–to know that someone I love and respect doesn’t believe women have a place in sharing the Good News of Jesus Christ with others.
What should we do when those we know and love don’t encourage us?
- We should pray–for God to help us understand that not everyone believes as we do and recognize that not everyone interprets scriptural messages in the same way.
- Forgiveness is imperative on our part. Our loved ones don’t mean to hurt us. In cases such as this, my friend was just expressing a differing opinion.
- We should seek God’s guidance as to whether our planned action is His will for us If so, go forward in His will. If not God’s will, we should take another path.
I welcome your thoughts and viewpoints. I recognize that we may not all agree on this historically controversial topic–women’s leadership roles in the church. Please remember to be kind in expressing your thoughts.
**If you’d like to hear my Sunday message, the Facebook live version is here. It’s the entire service and there are some dead spaces during transitions or when microphones don’t pick up prayer requests from the congregation. You may want to skip ahead. My message starts at about minute 24 and is about 15 minutes.
Wishing you blessings, my friends.
*All Scripture is from the NIV
Ms. Katherine. You know me well enough ma’am to know that I’ll always share truth with you as I know or at least understand it to be ma’am. Should you have stepped in and brought the message to your church this morning? Absolutely ma’am. Does this mean I think you should throw your hat into the ring to become your church’s full-time Pastor? No ma’am, it does not. While women should, and must, serve in leadership roles within Christ’s church, this does not mean I believe they should be Pastors by profession. In the same way, I believe wives and mothers have an important role in teaching and showing Christ in and to their family, but they should not be the spiritual head of the family. God made man and woman to be equal partners, but to serve in different roles. I pray you don’t consider my comment here to be sexist, or in any way “superior” because that is not my intent. Should women teach children, other women, etc.? Yes. Should woman teach Adult Men’s Sunday School? No ma’am, I don’t reckon they should. In the same way, I don’t believe a man should be teaching Adult Women’s Sunday School. Believe it or not, we are wired differently and think differently. We’re also human and those human traits can become detrimental in certain situations. In the same manner, I would frown upon a male Pastor privately counseling an adult woman. It isn’t a question of trust, but one of respect for everyone involved.
I’ll add, most respectfully, that I believe there to be a difference between teaching/preaching and pastoring. Should women in the church teach? Yes. Should they be allowed to preach the Word of God? Yes. Should they shepherd the church as its pastor? No ma’am, I don’t believe they should. There are many opportunities to serve, but I don’t honestly believe the pastorate is one of them.
I recognize, respect, and pray for those woman friends and sisters-in-Christ who have elected to serve in that position. If I’m honest, in my heart of hearts, I believe it does not align with God’s teaching and it can come at too great a personal price for the woman. I think there are many who are more learned, perhaps more qualified and capable than I am, but that doesn’t mean I think they should serve as a church’s Pastor.
I do want to encourage you though to keep teaching, keep spreading the gospel, and to preach what God lays on your heart to share in whatever forum He leads you to share it in. God’s blessings ma’am.
Thank you, J.D. I appreciate your candid response and I respect your viewpoint. I have no desire to be a full time pastor. My goal, in this case, is to serve my church family through this transition or to fill in during times of sickness. Thank you for your encouragement for me to continue teaching–it’s in my blood and I’ll probably not be able to stop teaching until my earthly body gives out and I go to join Jesus. Thank you for your prayers for women in leadership roles. I believe we have much to offer in service to our Father, although I agree with you that there are certain situations where both men and women need to be careful to protect themselves and others by maintaining respect and appropriate behavior at all times. May god bless you, kind sir.
Ditto Ms. Katherine. Didn’t think you had such aspirations ma’am, and I can attest to your talent, knowledge, and skill as a teacher ma’am. Keep obeying God my friend, He’ll sort out everything else. Much respect my friend.
Hi Katherine!
As a woman in Christ, i grew up in a very strict Church where I never even heard a woman pray. Women were allowed to be the treasurer, to cook, and to clean.
As you can imagine, breaking free from this mindset was a work of God. I felt spiritually starved in this strict environment.
Now, as a follower of Christ, and as a woman who loves Him deeply, I’m doing what He asks me to do. NOT what a denomination says I can or can’t do.
I do NOT believe God has asked me to be a pastor as you are speaking of but we’re all pastors of some sort. God will use us to tell others about His mighty works and women were used powerfully by Jesus in His day and TODAY is no different. ♥️
Much love to you and I encourage you to listen to God and not the opinions of others because there are so many discouraging voices out there.
So thankful to have you as a writing friend! ♥️
Melinda, your kinds words are a balm to my weary spirit. Thank you for sharing your story. My childhood, teenage years, and young adulthood were very similar to what you experienced. Females had a particular role in society and voicing one’s opinion or being in a position of leadership were not part of those roles. After my marriage, I was blessed to be welcomed into a church where women were beginning to be recognized for more than their ability to cook, clean, and serve in the nursery. It didn’t happen overnight and we were certainly scrutinized as to our abilities to complete tasks, but women were able to have more opportunities to serve. Of course, we’ve not given up the cooking, cleaning, and caregiver roles.
Like you, I’m not called to be a pastor, nor do I have a desire to. But I do believe women have valuable contributions to make in service to God and his children. I’m so grateful for your kind words and insightful advice. I’m thankful to have you as a writing friend. With love and good wishes.
JD gave a lengthy specific comment but your post gives opportunity for reflection not only in the example you gave of your experience but for other situations as well. Three thoughts and all have their root in prayer: pray for discernment as to whether the objection is an opinion or has Biblical truth; pray that you respond and not react; pray to distinguish whether or not this pursuit is an interest, desire, or calling.
Amen Ms. Marilyn. Pray, pray, pray, and let God lead. Well said ma’am.
Marilyn, thank you for sharing your wisdom. Your thoughts are insightful and definitely apply to my situation. While I have been praying to handle this with grace and forgiveness, your guidelines for prayer go right to the heart of the matter. Thank you, and may God bless you.
Katherine, I am so proud of you for taking the pulpit and sharing with the members of your church. I know they were blessed by what you had to say as I can attest to the writings of yours I have read. It is difficult to continue to minister in the face of criticism but we can remember that Christ had to do the same thing. I do not believe that just because a woman shares in a church she is usurping a man’s authority. And the scriptures that are used to say a woman can’t teach are sometimes used by those who just want to wield their power. Just look at how many lives have been changed by messages spoken by women teachers. This is just my opinion, but I think what Paul was telling women to do was to stop being disruptive. From all I have read about this situation, the women seemed to be interrupting services to ask questions. But like I said that is my opinion. We can also read about the many women who served Paul in his ministry. Where would he be without them? You go, girl!
I am grateful for your encouragement, Barbara. I know that Paul’s views are reflecting the culture of his time. Women had a low place in the social hierarchy. However, as you point out, even from their lowly status, women played important roles in spreading the Good News of Jesus Christ. Thank you, my friend, and may God bless you.
What a hot topic, Katherine! If you followed in OBEDIENCE to the Lord God, no one’s opinion can stand against it and you can rest in peace. To answer your challenging question, I am not a fan of women in the pulpit over men. This feels like the garden of Eden: Adam was silent while Eve engaged the serpent. Maybe if our men would step into their God-given role and responsibility to lead—with integrity and the heart of a shepherd—the Church (men and women) would follow. In your situation—and for the sake of the church where you are an active member—I so admire your willingness to do what was needed for the Church “for such a time as this” Love you!
Valid points, Mary. I wish we had more men willing to serve as leaders in our church. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and gifting me with encouragement. Love you, too, my friend. May God bless you in your new home.
How very interesting. I believe you are filling this particular role in obedience to God. Your church family has a need and you are willing to step in and help as needed. I also suspect it takes you a bit out of your comfort zone. But God doesn’t want us too comfortable.
My church uses women in leadership roles such as missions minister and children’s minister. They are well-suited to these roles and have earned Master’s of Theology. Interestingly, my daughter married a man in ministry whose church believes women should have absolutely no role in leading the church.
Thank you, Candyce. I do believe I’ve been called to serve my church in a variety of roles, none of which involves being a pastor. It sounds like our church is similar to yours in the roles women typically have. I’m curious about how your daughter feels about a church that doesn’t believe women should serve in leadership roles. Thank you for sharing your experiences and adding to our discussion. Peace and blessings!
I’ve bought into that philosophy before. Thank you, Katherine, for fresh insights on this topic. You’ve opened my eyes with this application of scripture. God calls who He calls.
I believe we all are called to serve our Lord in some form. He will guide and equip us when we answer His call. Thank you for responding to His call, Nancy. May God bless you.
I agree with much of J.D.’s counsel and Marilyn’s advice to pray. The Samaritan woman shared Jesus with the men in Samaria which validates we women are free to witness to men. Paul instructs the churches to encourage the women who helped him in ministry, but we never see them preaching like Paul, Peter, Timothy, and others. Titus 2 instructs the older women to teach the younger women and children. We are not to have authority over men which would rule out Pastoral leadership. The scripture teaches a Bishop is to be the husband of one wife so that’s clearing directed toward men! I too MUST TEACH!!! I have been a children’s church leader, taught Sunday school classes for Women and children, taught during VBS, and women inmates in my local jail.
Katherine, I’m sure you’re a blessing to many in your church!
Lisa, thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights. I know your church appreciates your service and dedication. You are a wonderful role model in so many ways. May God continue to bless your ministry of service to Him.
Very interesting. I believe based on the culture of the time it made sense for women. But nowadays, I have no issue with a woman pastoring a church. God can and does use anyone to further the kingdom. If God can use a prostitute for Kingdom purposes then He can use women pastors. As time draw nears for us to go home, I think God will use anyone and everyone to spread the Gospel
I agree, Yvonne. In the culture of Paul’s time, the patriarchal society prevented women from any sort of teaching or leadership roles. I’m thankful now for the opportunities women have to serve God and others. I believe God created us to work for His kingdom and serve in a variety of roles. I believe you are right–God will use us to spread the Gospel and reach the lost–before it is too late. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Katherine, I know that had to sting. Those experiences force me to search the scriptures and be sure I’m on strong footing. I had to wrestle with those passages when I began to be asked to speak with my husband at marriage conferences and to leadership groups and when our pastor asked us to lead an adult Sunday school class. I was encouraged and freed by what I learned. I find it interesting that those who are so dogmatic about this passages can’t explain what Paul meant in the whole context. “Women saved through childbearing, etc.” A comment is not the place to go into all I’ve learned through the years. The word about having authority over a man is “usurp” authority. This is the only time it is used in the NT. Romans 14 says those with weak faith have limited options. As we walk with God, our options seem to expand. Stuart Briscoe said he wrestled with this as a pastor. He married a woman (Jill) with spiritual gifts much of the evangelical church didn’t think a woman should have. As a pastor he felt he didn’t want to stand before God and say why he’d held back half his church.
I am so grateful that you shared your insights and wisdom, Debbie. I’ve wrestled with my role in leadership within the church. It is comforting to know I’m not alone. Thank you for sharing Stuart Briscoe’s beliefs. I wish those who strive to limit the opportunities for women to serve could hear his voice. Thank you, for delving into the deeper meaning of Paul’s message in 2 Timothy. I appreciate the knowledge you have shared and the transparency of your comments. May God bless you.
I’m so sorry you were exposed to such unfair criticism, Katherine. Perhaps scripture doesn’t give us pointed, straight-forward references about women’s roles in church leadership, because neither Jesus nor Paul nor other writers of the New Testament were aimed at changing the culture; they were aimed at changing hearts. But no one prior to Christ did more to elevate women. For example, he allowed women to sit under his teaching and travel with him and his disciples–freedoms unheard of in that day. Today, with opportunities for education being equal for men and women, and with the gift of teaching manifested by many women, it seems reasonable Jesus would encourage such women to use their gift in the church–and not just with other women and the children. I’m acquainted with a church that does not allow women to teach men, but they do say it’s fine for men to read Christian books written by women. I find that distinction very puzzling–and as an argument for availing ourselves of their oral teaching. Wisdom is wisdom, whether written or spoken!
Nancy, I am so glad you stopped by to share your insights and wisdom. I agree, Jesus encouraged women to participate in leadership and evangelistic roles. I think he’s our best example for encouraging women to be teachers and leaders. Like you, I’m so relieved that we live in a society where women are valued for their strengths and talents and are, most of the time, not help back from sharing their wisdom with others through teaching, leading, and serving simply because of their gender. Thank you, Nancy.