When it’s hard to be thankful
‘Tis the season for thankfulness. A friend is sharing “30 days of Thanksgiving” with me by email. I’ve already read several blogs focusing on being thankful. The official day of Thanksgiving occurs this week (although I agree with those that express the view of the importance of being thankful the other 364 days of the year).
We are called to be thankful in all circumstances…
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18
But what about when thankfulness is hard?
It is difficult to be thankful when:
- A loved one dies
- We lose our job and can’t pay our bills
- Our child is being bullied
- A co-worker spreads malicious gossip about us
- We, or someone we love, is diagnosed with a chronic or terminal disease
These and many other situations occur that cause anger, pain, frustration, grief, and sorrow.
It is hard to be thankful when we are hurting.
But we know our Lord came to heal the broken-hearted. And while His comfort doesn’t always completely take away the burden which lays heavily on our heart, our God will be with us through the dark valley.
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever. Psalm 30:11-12
Following a painful trauma in our lives, we experience the grief process. The experience of grief is different for every individual. We can experience deep sorrow in a variety of situations, not just from the loss of a loved one. We can grieve for the disappointments our children suffer. The pain of gossip brings grief at the loss of trust and friendship. If we are passed over for a promotion or our book poposal is rejected for the 100th time, we grieve.
Yet we are called to be thankful in all circumstances. We may be told “get over it” because everyone experiences rejection or has to deal with gossip. People will quote the platitude of “It’s all part of God’s plan” (as if we didn’t know that). But still, we’re expected to be thankful for it?
The death of a loved one is perhaps the greatest pain we will ever experience. I cannot imagine anyone being thankful for the loss. But there are things we can be thankful for…
- The blessings this person brought to our lives.
- The shared life experiences we had together.
- How this person enriched our lives by their good influence.
- The precious memories we have.
- The legacy our loved one left behind.
At holidays (and every day) we feel the loss of our loved one. At family gatherings, their seat is empty. But we can be thankful for the love and joy they brought to our lives, the gift God gave us through our relationship with them.
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalm 28:7
Will you pray with me?
Loving Father, your great love for us is immeasurable, but I think there is a special place in your heart for those who are hurting and grieving. I pray you will bring peace and comfort to those who are lonely and sad this Thanksgiving and you will help us/them to experience joy and hope once again.
Happy Thanksgiving!
So clearly and beautifully expressed, Katherine. I read an article a few days ago about gratitude and grief. They can coexist and they do. We can be sad and still be thankful FOR other things apart from our loss or as you said, thankful for having had a person who passed, in our lives for that time – or for the legacy he left. We can even be thankful in our heart but not necessarily laugh or even wear a smile 24/7. Above all, in times of loss I am thankful for grace. Blessings to you and Happy Thanksgiving!
Marilyn, I am so grateful for your understanding, kindness, and wisdom. The roller coaster of grief is in constant motion and so many small things can put a painful twist, bump, or obstacle in the pathway. Today, I needed to shop for a few things and accidently passed through the card section of the store. In the past, I would have been searching for just the right Christmas card. But as you mention, we can be sad and thankful at the same time. Thank you, my friend. May our Father bless you during this Thanksgiving week.
Very well said Ms. Katherine. While I’ve yet to discover a way to be thankful for the loss of a loved one, I can be thankful that God was merciful and did not cause them to linger in pain, fear, and loneliness. And as you so eloquently point out, I can be thankful for the time and wonderful memories God gave me with them. And lastly, when I am as certain as I can be they were in Christ, I can be thankful for our salvation and knowing that goodbye in really “see you later.” In these things, we find peace. Praying you much peace and comfort in this coming season. I am so thankful to call you my friend and sister in Christ. God’s blessings gentle friend.
You have the gift of sharing peace and comfort, my friend. I’m so thankful for your friendship and kindness. I am grateful for that “see you later” we will experience in the future. Wishing all the Cross-Dubya family a safe, restful, and joyful Thanksgiving week.
It took me years to grasp this. When I lost my Dad it was more than I could bare. I was in grief counseling and just could not escape the grief. One day the Lord reminded me the blessing of the grief. You experience that kind of grief only when the person played such a beautiful role in your life. My perspective changed then from my loss to the gift my dad had been.
I agree, Jen. The enormity of our grief is in direct correlation to the expanse of our love. Oh, how our Father must have grieved over the loss of His Son. Yet, He loved us so much, that our Lord took the punishment we should have had. My head knows that my loved one blessed me with a lifetime of joy and I am so thankful for the years we had together, but my heart longs for his presence. Thank you for understanding, Jen, and for sharing your journey to hope.
Very beautifully expressed and a truth that—as you noted—we well know … that it’s part of God’s plan … but oh how hard it is to walk when we’re tested. The agony of loss is proof we were not made to experience death when God initiated his magnificent creation, “Let there be light.” Praying for your heart to keep in mind those reasons to be grateful that you may experience a peace that surpasses understanding.
Thank you for your insight and prayers, Mary. You are so gifted in offering words which bring comfort. Wishing you and your family a blessed Thanksgiving week.
We do need to find ways to be thankful all the time. We are so blessed but the sad fact is we don’t always realize how much until something or someone is not there anymore. We can rejoice that God is our Savior and that He has given us eternal life. That’s the greatest gift we can be thankful for. Thanks for sharing, Katherine. And Happy Thanksgiving!
Sometimes I struggle to be thankful in all circumstance, but you are right, Barbara, we need to. God’s plan is best, even if we don’t realize it at the time. As you point out, God gifted us with the pathway to salvation and eternal life. That’s the greatest gift. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.
Katherine, you bring up a good point. There is always something for the child of God to be thankful for. That doesn’t erase our grief, but it softens it and brings hope.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but as you remind us, time does soften grief. We are given the opportunity to remember our loved ones and the precious moments we shared with them. We can even smile! But as someone reminded me, grief and love are proportional. God gifted us with the capacity to love BIG, to love completely and whole heartedly. With the loss of that loved one, comes BIG grief. Thank you for sharing hope, Debbie.
Katherine, this beautiful and tender post reminds me of the grace of our heavenly Father. He understands our grief. For the first few Thanksgivings after my mom died, I wished the holiday would go away. God helped me laugh and cry about precious memories and embrace the present joy. Thank you for sharing.
Yes, Jeannie, God understands our grief and all of our emotions. I can only imagine His grief as He watched His Son make the greatest sacrifice for a multitude of undeserving sinners. I know what you mean about wishing the holidays would go away. Even though memories are so precious, recalling them is a reminder of our loss. Wishing you and your family a Happy Thanksgiving.
It is so true there are Thanksgivings which happen in the middle of grief. Thank you so much for your post came alongside someone who has lived that experience. A great post.
Thank you for your kindnes and encouragement, Sylvia. Wishing you and your family a blessed and joyful Thanksgiving.
What wisdom and empathy you show and provide to us. Not everyone is feeling grateful now. For those who’ve lost someone, the holidays can be so painful. May God be with all who are hurting.
Thank you for your prayers, Nancy. Holidays celebrated with family are one of our greatest joys, but can trigger a resurgence of grief for those missing loved ones. I hope you and your family have a safe, restful, and happy Thanksgiving.
This is such an honest post about how hard it is to be thankful when we’re hurting. My prayers are with you, Katherine, at this time of year when loved ones are so missed by many. Thank you for your encouragement to pray
Thank you, Kathy.I’m thankful for your prayers. I hope you and your family had a wonderful Thanksgiving. May your holiday season be blessed with good health and joy.
God does hold a special place for those who grieve. Just as parents experience their children’s pain, our God knows our pain as well. He is right there with us.
Hope your Thanksgiving celebration was fabulous!
We gathered with our church family and had a joyous Thanksgiving. We all experience sorrow and joy and every emotion in between. I’m thankful for God’s constant love through all the trials and His comforting embrace during the most painful times. He sends His “helpers” to share peace, love, and comfort.
Thank you for being realistic about our hurts, struggles, & griefs Katherine. This month I committed to posting a daily gratitude on Twitter and by the end of the first week I was stopped in my tracks by terrible pain from pinched nerves in my back. Sometimes it has been hard to come up with something to be thankful for when the pain seemed to swallow up everything else. As usual, the Lord is not wasting this opportunity to teach me some necessary lessons of faith, patience, overcoming, and persistence. So the way I have to thank Him for this month of relentless limitations is that I appreciate that He got my attention, and if I listen He speaks louder than the pain.
Oh, Dottie, I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this severe pain, especially in the midst of the Thanksgiving season when we’re trying to be thankful in all things. I have been reading your posts on Twitter and praying for you. Thank you for sharing about this trial. You have shown us how to pray through the challenges and be thankful to our Father for His presence during the hard times. Continuing to pray for you. Thank you for the blessing you shared through your comment.