Words DO hurt!
Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue is also a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. James 3:6
“I hate you!” the teenage girl screams to her mother before running out of the house.
“We don’t want him on our team,” one student yelled to the teacher. “He’s fat, never hits the ball, and can’t even run!”
“You never keep your promises,” the wife cries out to her husband. “It’s just the same old excuses!”
The old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me!” is a falsehood. Yes, physical attacks are painful, but verbal attacks are also devastating. I propose a new statement:
“Sticks and stone may break our bones, but words break our hearts!”
As the Bible reminds us, our tongue is a weapon of fire. It does not shoot blanks–the tongue fires painful bullets that rip and tear their way through the hearts and minds of our loved ones.
Why do we do it?
Because we can…
We speak before we think.
Afterwards we may regret the harsh words and wish we could take them back. We cannot–once spoken, painful words remain between the victim and the aggressor forever. The victim may choose to forgive, but that never erases the actual words or the pain. The only cure for hurtful words is to keep them unsaid!
We may actively seek to wound.
We may know exactly what we are saying and purposefully speak harsh words to punish our loved one or friend for some perceived (or real) offense or a task left undone. Perhaps we lead with an excuse of, “I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, but…” (and we hurt their feelings anyway). In actuality, whether or not we mean to hurt someone’s feelings is not as relevant as the fact that we did. My husband is not a man that likes to apologize (does anyone?) Years ago, his typical apology was, “I’m sorry you got upset.”
My response? “But, you’re not sorry for what you said to upset me?” (Thankfully, he no longer apologizes in that manner).
Out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adultery, sexual sins, theft, false testimonies, and insults. These contaminate a person in God’s sight. Matthew 15:19-20
Evil thoughts and insults are ranked in the same list of sins as murder and adultery?
WOW! That puts a different perspective on my grumbling about the driver who tailgates me on the interstate, zooms around to cut back in front, then slows to make an exit, forcing me to slam on brakes to avoid ramming into their rear. I have evil thoughts at that moment and usually some verbal insults as well.
What should we do to avoid the sin of delivering insults? How do we stop hurting others with painful verbal attacks?
James tells us that, “No one can tame the tongue (3:8). So is it all hopeless? Are we destined to give and receive those hurtful words that break our hearts and those of our loved ones?
No! We can, with the help of our Lord Jesus, guard our words and tame the tongue. We can replace hurtful words with affirmation, praise, comfort, and blessing! We can think before we speak and examine our words before they are verbalized.
If our words are not helpful (in a constructive manner); if they are not merciful; if they are not words of healing and blessing; they should remain unsaid.
If you have some helpful strategies to help “tame the tongue” and avoid hurting others with verbal aggression, please share. We can benefit from your wisdom.
It’s not hopeless, but it is difficult to change Ms. Katherine. Of all the scars from my childhood (before adoption), the mental ones caused by hurtful words were the hardest to heal. God can, and has. Many psychologists believe that abused children often become abusive adults. I praise God every day that His love can and will break that cycle. Am ashamed to admit that I am still human, and still have a sinful human nature some times. Yet, I am comforted by knowing my “condition” is only temporary, and that I am not alone in this. Great post and great wisdom ma’am.
Oh, Jim, you understand better than most how painful words can be. I’m so glad that, with God’s help, you’ve been able to break the cycle of abuse that is often perpetuated in such cases. God is so good! We’ve all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23) so even though we all should be ashamed, Jesus came to bear the burden of our sins. Because of God’s great love for us, we are redeemed. What amazing grace! Wishing you continued blessings, my friend.
Your post really hit the mark. I have said some things I regretted and try to be more mindful and not be quick to speak. Thank you for pointing out the fact that even though the tongue is hard to tame, Jesus, in us, can help us overcome this tendency.
And thank you for using the word “sin” in your question, “What should we do to avoid the sin of delivering insults?” Too often sins are mistakenly called “mistakes.”
Thank you for your affirmation and encouragement, Connie. I hesitated about using “sin” in my question because I worried that some would perceive the word being too harsh. But, like you, I recognized that hurting others through our words is outside of God’s will, thus is sinful. I agree that we are quick to try to excuse sins as “mistakes” (I’m sure I’ve done that). Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Hope you have a wonderful week!
As an external processor, I struggle with taming my tongue. Just yesterday, I realized I was saying the wrong thing to the wrong people and had to change midstream before they realized where I was going with it. I would like to be better about thinking before I speak!
I’ve had to do the same, Heather–think, stop, think again and speak. Aren’t we blessed that God gives us that nudge as if to say, “You might want to reconsider what you’re about to say.” I’ve been thinking of you, my friend. So proud of you! Wishing you blessings on your new journey.
What an important post for all of us to read! Your words reminded me of the illustration of a tube of toothpaste. Like our words, when the toothpaste comes out, it cannot be put back into the tube. The Scripture you shared reminds us of how important our thoughts and words are to God. Thank you for that, Katherine. I often pray Psalm 19:4 before meetings or lunches with friends. “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength and my redeemer” (KJV). However, I sometimes forget to do this at home or with family and friends. Perhaps I should pray that verse each morning!
I’m familiar with the toothpaste analogy and it definitely fits the message I hoped to share. Thank you for adding that great illustration of how we cannot take back hurtful words, once they are spoken. Psalm 19:4 is such a positive message and a beautiful reminder of how we should express ourselves. Thank you, Jeannie!
Wow, Katherine. You know me all to well. Been on both sides of this fence on words. Words are hurtful, painful. They can cause us to feel and think shame and to be ashamed. I wonder if words that are hurtful, words that invoke shame cause mental instability. Words can sting so, and stay with us. Lord help us to not only guard our tongues but to guard our hearts. Thank you Katherine!!!
This theme fits along with your topic this week, David. Yes, words can cause shame, on both sides of the conversation. We not only need to guard what and how we speak, we must be careful to not allow unjustified attacks from others to cause us unwarranted shame. I like the way you said it–“guard our tongues and our hearts.” Thanks for your encouragement. Wishing you blessings.
“Sticks and stone may break our bones, but words break our hearts!” I love this! I wish it was a click to tweet. Great blog post!
I struggle with this as well. I’ve been convicted lately (after much arm wrestling with it on my part) to admit that I cannot control my tongue. I wish I could. I’ve tried. But, I cannot control my tongue when I get upset. I’m laying it down at the feet of Jesus. He’s the only hope I have of reigning in my poor speech (and thoughts) at times. He is the only way.
PS- I may have been that driver. If so, I’m sorry. :0 🙂